The Auditorz Saga: Part 1, “You fuck with me, now I fuck with you”


We barely graduated from high school. It’s fun investigating leads and shit, we do the best we can, but ultimately, this entire article is a guess. This isn’t a court of law. We’re not prosecutors or judges. We’re just a bunch of guys following a story. Take a look at what we’ve learned and make up your own mind. 

Everything is better with smart, hot, asian chicks talking about auditing… mmmmm… internal and external auditing, baby.

We digress… The REAL auditorz received a comment on the piece we did on Theo that said…

“Hey Mezzy, like the site. Want a scoop on Stern and J Nel? Email me.”

Once and for all… we’re not Mezzy. We did want the scoop, though. So we emailed our tipster. He’s an Amazon writer who we also know from TriggerStreet. He’s legit, but didn’t want the spotlight on this one, so until the authorities come for us, we’ve agreed to keep his identity private. Although, he’s reserved the right to post a piece in the future.

Like many readers, we’ve wondered why the other guys have taken such an interest in Mr. Stern. We’re not fans of this fellas work, but we haven’t exactly seen him acting like a total asshole either. Truthfully, we haven’t seen him much at all and we’ve NEVER seen him talking about the Auditorz. The worst you could say is that he’s arrogant, but come on, we’re arrogant. Anyone that writes “Fade Out” and wins a prize thinks they’re Bill Friggin’ Goldman these days. Even fucking Gary, who is the salt of the earth, is writing editorials and starting contests of his own for christsakes.

Don’t get us wrong, we’re not defending or even liking, Mr. Stern. He’s got a house, wife and kids – we live in a basement. Fuck him. We just want to know what makes him so special?

Our tipster claims that Mezzy wasn’t lying when he posted in the Amazon forums:

“I hacked the auditor blog recently and it is indeed J Nel or Jeff Nelson running it. I’m unsure if there are other people writing posts and sending them to J Nel to throw up on that blog. But the ip matched where J Nel lists he’s from. Read his script Inferno and you’ll see what writing level the auditor is at. SPOILER ALERT – he’s a shitty writer.”

Our tipster claims Jeff is not alone and Charlie Chan a.k.a. Banana Fish is involved too, but we’ve only seen circumstantial evidence – so we don’t want to give him credit / sully his name unnecessarily.

But our tipster highlighted an apparently history between J Nel and Mr. Stern. And in this series of articles, we hope to show through Jeff/Auditorz beef with Stern began, in part, as a response to a to an event that we’ll call the SINGULARITY (yes, we’re Star Trek geeks, motherfuckers).

Early on, Jeff and Sterny got along. Stern posted in his forum, so Jeff posted in his forum. Stern posted a trailer, so Jeff got the same guy who did Stern’s to do one too. It’s like the beginning of Single White Female between these two mammy-rammers.

Then the singularity occurred. Supposedly, Jeff and a few friends got their nose out of whack that folks were padding their reviews on AS. They decided to take action. The story goes that J Nel took it personally upon himself to “call some people out” the result is a series of posts under the name “Richard W.” This was allegedly the first time Jeff assumed a fake identity on the site and started “auditing.” He may have used “Richard W.” intentionally to implicate, Mr. Stern. That part of the story is murky at best. What is clear is that Stern gets it in his head that Jeff  is behind the post and accuses Jeff here:

That alone doesn’t mean much. Just two dumb shits accusing one another of crap. And believe us, we’ve been pouring through posts by these two fucking loudmouths for the past 24 hours… they’re both fucking verbose motherfuckers who love to read their words in print(like us!!). Stern is spouting off about the spec market. Shut the fuck up!! Jeff makes a series of posts where teaches screenwriting (these do sound eerily like a clean version of the Auditorz, though). Both of you guys need to get a life.

But we digress…

After the SINGULARITY occurred, the very next day we’re told, Mr. Stern turns an otherwise sparkling review of Jeff Nelson’s opus “Inferno” into a one-star slam. You can see it here:

It was this argument and insult that turned Jeff on Richard. The next day, we’ve been told there was a forum posted by “Sleuth” on Stern’s account. What followed was an epic confrontation between these two nitwits. This, apparently, was deleted by Amazon and is allegedly, again, Jeff. In the weeks ahead, Jeff/Auditorz went on a tear where there were many more posts/ slams that led up to the now infamous HOOVERGATE scandal.

Was it Jeff? Was it Charlie? Are the Auditorz really a creation of Mr. Stern himself? Don’t make up your mind yet…


– Long before HOOVERGATE why were the Auditorz attacking Stern then bragging about it in forums?

– Who was really behind HOOVERGATE?

– Why are the Auditorz working day and night to discredit Mezzy?

– Is Theo really Roy Price?

These answers and many lay ahead….


The REAL Auditorz


Posted on May 10, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Don’t know banana fish but I figure TMAC helps Jeff post material. Those two seem to be friends and give blowjob reviews on AS. Probably actual blow j’s off AS.

    What is TMACs real name? Or banana fish’s real name?

    • Bravo, Rob.

      I didn’t think this was right until I saw Auditorz response. They basically want to shout you down. Don’t let them! You figured out Jeff’s little game and called that sad sack out.

  2. We were told Banana’s real name is Charlie Chan (or that’s what he called himself on AS), not sure if that’s real, though.

    Do not know about TMAC… although you could be right.

  3. I’ve always considered the Auditorz funny, but knew that those guys had a screw loose. Why one guy would waste so much time on hate baffles me. In the end, they got it mostly wrong anyway. They kept predicting the end of AS, yet it really does seem to be getting better every month.

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