Theo Rossi: Man Of The People – or – Ass Clown? (updated)

Theo Rossi has been kicking around Amazon Studios for a long time (shit, that old fart has been kicking around the world a long time). He’s boasted publicly about being a very successful and well-connected producer / director / film executive who retired to a life of independent cinema.

Interestingly, he’s refused on many occasions to supply any real details about his life experience. It isn’t even clear that Theo Rossi is his real name.

What is clear, though, is that he’s opinionated — and yes — a bit of a jerk. So much so, we’ve often thought of Theo and his buddy the good Reverend Calvin (all that bible stuff about not gossiping doesn’t apply to talking smack online, right padre?) as Amazon’s very own Statler & Waldorf:

Today, Theo changed all that. Check out this post he just threw up on Amazon:

Theo isn’t a cantankerous old dude who likes run his mouth. He’s a total and complete ass-clown whose only real talent is kissing the collective arses of other anonymous ass-clowns — like us.

Seriously, Theo hasn’t posted any work on Amazon Studios. He talks a great game about how talented he is and what an authority his vast experience makes him – BUT WON’T ACTUALLY SHOW ANYONE HIS WORK.

Moreover, what kind of person visits a site EVERY DAY for a contest he claims to despise?

We put this question to our crack squad of FoxNews interns and former Enron auditorz. They did some digging and here’s what they found:

First, check out There you’ll find Theo’s idea of a compelling teaser website.

Check out this all-pro poster:

CENSORED BY THEO ROSSI (Theo asked that we don’t use his image, so we’ve just taken a screen shot of his publicly available webpage instead – you can also visit it directly, if he doesn’t pull the site down)

We found it incredibly sketchy that this project has no synopsis, casting information or director’s statement. How exactly do you cast actors without telling them ANYTHING about your film, wise one? If you can believe it, his company website for t-rex bones productions has even less information.

Then we really looked at the poster – Theo’s creative vision, if you will – and it’s basically a creepy old dude checking out a hot goth chick. We’re betting that’s Theo, by the way. What do you want to wager he hangs around Starbucks propositioning every “actress” he sees. Fame and fortune  await, but first, we’ll need to do a screen test in the back of Uncle Theo’s van, darling…


So maybe he’s a lousy director and producer. And maybe he is a creepy old dude. That doesn’t mean he’s not a great writer, right?


We found the following radio play hiding out on his website – judge for yourself:

CENSORED BY THEO ROSSI (Theo asked we take his writing sample down and we did. Yadda, yadda, yadda – it sucked)

We think Family Guy did it better, Theo:

Theo, you’re a hack. Worse, you’re a preening hack with delusions of grandeur. If you have (or had) any talent, it is completely absent from anything we found online. That’s the lesson that everyone involved in Amazon Studios should learn from Theo. People who actually have talent don’t hide it from the world. They also don’t vapidly criticize everyone else’s work for sport. Only hacks like us and Uncle Theo do that.

Please friends, be wary of people like Theo Rossi. Be wary of us! If someone is so talented that they CANNOT post their work on Amazon (or anywhere else) you should call bullshit instead of letting them rant on. People who are genuinely talented don’t spend their days tearing other people down. That’s what people who are bitter and frustrated do – again, we should know.

Prove us wrong, Theo. Please share a writing sample and we’ll post it here and eat our words. Ten pages from any script, and any ten pages will do.



Your friends The REAL Auditorz


Posted on May 4, 2011, in Talkin' Smack. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Theo just posted this on your competitors website:

    “Is that Mezzy?
    heh heh,

    Is he on a personal vendetta now?
    He got tired of hitting on you people and started on me and Calvin? Well, good luck to him, looks like he’s deperate to get people to read his posts and need our names to promote it.

    I never said a single bad comment about him or his work in the past. It is a bit surprising to me. I thought he was a friend. So much for integrity and confidence in a ‘friend’.

    I suppose he can’t figure it out; those websites are CLOSED for public view. No menus, nothing. That should have been a clue, but somehow he missed it
    When projects under development, you don’t make it public. When a project is done, then you can talk about it and show what ya got.
    Anyone in this business should know this.

    Ya want script?
    There are two scripts on AS, find it.
    Sorry, can’t give you those names, that would be too easy”

    Now it’s time for your you guys to come clean…

  2. Drift, we’re not Mezzy. Actually, we’re not one person at all. There are a handful of us. Read the About Us for more details.

    Theo’s explanation is highly implausible, too. If his websites are “closed” why post the URLs in public? While movie studios may keep high-concept projects under wraps, Theo isn’t making a studio film. Theo is shooting an indie in his basement, and indie filmmakers tell the world about their projects. They need the support and buzz to cross the finish line.

    But let’s say that his project should be kept top secret. Maybe he does have something amazing in the works. Why wouldn’t a legitimate filmmaker at least share his/her professional background? Wouldn’t it be easier to get people to help if they knew they were working for Theo Rossi – yes, THE Theo Rossi?

    We’d like to say that Theo was shady, but that’s giving him too much credit. He’s just a wanna-be with a big mouth. We are too, but unlike Theo, we never claimed to be anything else. All he has to do to prove to the world that he’s right and we’re the REAL Ass-Clownz of Amazon is share some of his work.

    We don’t moderate the comments on this blog, so he can post a link to his best ten pages and we won’t stop him. If his work is great, we’ll eat our words and publicly apologize to him.

  3. Theo is just a bored old dude. Go easy, guys.

  4. I don’t care what you write about me as a person within reason, but you can’t use my copyrighted images and script. So, please remove it.

    Anyone in this business knows you can not use copyrighted images and text without written permission.
    Obviously you have no clue.

    The reason we have closed websites because of assholes like you, who has no respect for material created by others. It was a good decison.

    Dude, the burden of proof is on YOU to prove your audience that you’re correct what you’re saying is true about me. Until then, you’re just a blowing smoke through your ass. That’s the way it works in the court, if you accuse someone, you better be right and have proof. You have none.

    Evidently you have a problem with people who made it in this business and well off financially as I am. So, be it, and let your petty, vindictive personality show the world how you really are. I could care less. But be careful with your post(s) when you’re trying to destroy my reputation and business. That, my friend, is a no-no.
    Google the recent tweet by someone badmouthing a person in business and they had to pay $450,000 in damages for that ‘freedom of speech’ kind of thing.

    I assume you haven’t a pot to piss in, so I can’t sue you and it would be waste of my time, but I have other recources/options at my disposal and may use it if you continue.

    Being desperate and trying to use anyone and anything to get attention to your blog is showing. Attacking Calvin, a pastor who is very decent person, because he is my friend is uncalled for.

    This is the first and last message I’ll leave here and never come back. If my copyrighted work is not taken down, I’ll report you to wordpress and let them deal with you.

    Just in case you are deleting this message, I’ll post it on the ‘real’ auditorz site as well. Unlike a fake one as yours, who couldn’t come up with an original name and had to steal that one due to lack of imagination.

    I’ll have someone check on this site if have complied with my request to remove copyrighted works belongs to me.


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